I have decided to take a leave of absence from teaching. Maybe you already knew this...maybe you didn't. Maybe you didn't even know I was a teacher. This year would have been the start to my 10th year.
Year 9 was rough. In November, I had a breakdown. There were a lot of contributing factors--things from the present and things from the past. There's no one definitive straw that broke the camel's back....just a lot of little things that went unnoticed and untended for too long.
As the beginning of the school year drew closer and closer, a sinking, dreadful feeling began to well up in me. I have learned to lean into my feelings and look at their root. What is making me feel this way? What is God saying in all this?
I leaned in and listened. I felt that the Lord was calling me to step out of the boat and on to the water. I wrestled with that for days and consulted a few trusted family members and friends.
Oswald Chambers says, in speaking about the call of God, "It is the threading of God's voice to us in some particular matter, and it is no use consulting anyone else about it. We have to keep that profound relationship between our souls and God." (My Utmost for His Highest, January 16)
Keeping that in mind, I kept my consulting to a minimum to truly lean in to hear the voice of God. This would be a step in my journey that relied solely on me. Not what anyone else thinks or what they would do.
It wasn't easy. There was a weight that lifted off of me as soon as I left my job, but getting to that point took determination and faith. I don't know what the future holds. I continue to battle thoughts of doubt, and anxiety tries to take control. But I know that this new season and journey with the Lord is just beginning. And that is exciting!
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